


PTSD and John Watson

by SherlockedPsych (Makhsi)



Series: Meta Musings on BBC Sherlock [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Essays, Meta, Other, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 02:20:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makhsi/pseuds/SherlockedPsych
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mycroft has it half right... John does miss the war. But he was also traumatized by it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	PTSD and John Watson

"You’re not traumatized by the war," said Mycroft. “You miss it."

Okay, yes, that’s an effective line, good delivery, good rhythm, well-constructed scene. But I get so frustrated every time I hear that line.

Because _trauma can look exactly like that_.

Obviously Mycroft doesn’t have combat trauma, fine, plenty of people don’t grok PTSD. Even people who have been through the same category of trauma will manifest it differently so I’ll excuse the ignorance.

But. _But._

You can be traumatized by it and still miss it. The constant adrenaline, being always on high alert, _go go go,_ never time to decompress or process or realize what the hell really just happened and how fucked up it really is… the trauma of it doesn’t hit you until it’s over, sometimes. You don’t _slow down_ enough for it to hit you.

Afterwards is when you feel it. When you get trembling and nightmares and flashbacks and dissociation. You can’t see all the fractures until you finally stop moving. Until the world is still and silent and you see yourself in contrast to all the people who haven’t been through what you’ve been through.

When the adrenaline is pumping and you’re racing for your life, _move move move,_ suddenly you’re alive again and your fractures make sense. The adrenaline fills in the pieces and you can forget they’re missing. This is familiar. This is what you spent years doing. This is your nervous system, back up to the level it got used to being in. And sure, it’s re-traumatizing as hell, and now it takes less time between the shots of fight/flight/freeze for the shaking to start, but you’re back to crisis-normal for at least a little bit at a time and it’s _better_. It seems better. The crashes are harder but at least you’ve got those minutes, hours, days of life.

Oh yes, you can be traumatized and still miss it. Oh _god_ yes.


End file.
